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| It has been awhile since I have written in this thing. Livejournal took over for awhile, the I basically flocked to myspace like the rest of the Godforsaken world. I lot has changed in the past year or so in my life. Let me update those of you who still use xanga. My parent's divorced in June of 06'. My great grandmother, the one I always talked about, passed away last December from emphysema. I work at Zaxby's, and I really enjoy my job. Hopefully sometime soon I'll be given a management position, or so I've been told. I live with my mother and Hunter, and he has gone into this rebel stage where he wants to listen to music and sleep. I graduated highschool in May of 06' and I was attending Walter's State Community college, but I discovered it was a joke and dropped out. I plan to attend the University of Tennessee in Knoxville either this fall or next spring. Aaron and I recently broke up, recently as in about 3 weeks ago. It would have been 3 years in September. I miss him quite a bit, but I have been having a lot of personal issues and I was pushing him away making both him and myself unhappy, so we ended it. Hopefully not forever although he doesn't understand where I'm coming from and it makes him angry. I have been having issues sleeping and eating for the past while, because I think way to much, but that is not news to this blog, because most of my previous posts on here were when I went through my emotastic stage in highschool, complaining about a boy named Geo. Lol. I have matured alot, and I have changed even more. Some good, some bad. However, it has been a long night at work, and I must go sleep, or try. But I will try to update this more often. =)
♥
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| Long time no update..
I think God is hating on me. The past month has been the most stressful thing I've ever experienced.
Let's see.
Aaron
and I have broken up, got back together, taken a break, didn't talk for
a week or so, now we're on another break. Whatever the problem is, I
hope he can deal with it quickly. I do miss him ever so much, and I
know he can't just forget all of our memories and feelings, so
hopefully everything will work out there. I love him, I really do. If I
thought it would help us, I'd suggest that we break up for awhile or so
if I didn't have to think about him being with someone else. It'd kill
me. I wouldn't so much as look at another guy. And I couldn't promise
that he'd come back to me either. Things aren't the same right now
though. Half the time he doesn't want to talk or see me, because he's
not in the mood for being "all over someone" but I wasn't aware being
with your girlfriend meant you had to be making out with her all the
time. Honestly I don't want that. I just want to be with him and enjoy
our time together like we used to. And I just have too many memories
with him and too many emotions tied in to lose him. Dear God, I hope
this works out, and we go back to being IN love with each other. I miss
the sweet sayings and the sweet actions and everything we used to have.
I love him. :( ♥ If he decides to stop being weird, lol, I'm going to
have a lot of questions, and stuff. I know that's probably not what he
needs, but so much has happened, I'm pretty confused, and I need
answers. Otherwise, we'll be fine. I just hope he still feels the same
way he did 8 months ago.
My parent's are supposedly getting a
divorce. I can't say I'm not surprised. I can't live with my dad,
because his job requires constant travel, and he'd never be home. My
mom doesn't make $80,000 a year like dad does, and I know there would
be child support, but I don't know if she can handle my brother and I
on a low income job. I know this sounds bad, but it's just not what
we're used to. I don't know how to deal with this, and the one person I
would go to, I'm forbidden to cry to him as of right now, and I just
need him to hold me.
On top of this, I went to Fuddruckers today to
meet my mom and Shoe. They were talking about something discreetly and
I asked what was going on, and mom said she has to go to the doctor
sometime soon because they have to run some tests. She might have heart
disease. Which is just more money and stress and problems I, and none
of my family need. If something happens to my mom, I'll die too..
On a daily note:
Paul
put it into good words today. "I love how Mr. Schneitman was on his
period today." Because we were supposedly being "loud" we had to write
chapters out of the Bible. Mr. Julien Cavaletto didn't help much, but
he's french, and a Catholic, so he can't help it. :P Other than that my
day went pretty well. I looked like shit today because I didn't turn my
alarm on and I didn't wake up until 6:45, and I usually leave at 7:15.
Steven Trott looks at me now as though he knows something I don't. He
think's I'm psycho. I don't care. He's just mad because he doesn't have
love like mine. Hmph. Tomorrow I'll be gone all day to Asheville, NC
with Gilmore. I'm going to the Thomas Wolfe home. Should be fun. I
won't be back until late, so don't wait up. Uhmmm, Aaron and I are
supposedly celebrating our 13 months friday. I don't know if I'll even
see him this week at all. We're supposed to hang out on Thursday, but
whenever we plan things, they always get cancelled. I have absolutely
nothing to do for halloween. I have to work 3 hours, 4 to 7, and I
gotta dress up like a princess and greet the kids at OKBG. And then I'm
probably going to go home, unless Aaron happens to call me..or someone
else..or something.. I guess thats it.
Oh, and..
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TIFFANY ALEXANDER! I LOVE YOU!
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| So I really need your help/advice!!
It's that time of year again where I start to worry about the soccer season conflicting with school.
I'm
taking AP English, Chemistry, and Government and other little crap
classes this year. My senior year. Now soccer will take up the rest of
the summer starting in mid-july. Thats an entire week of camp (that
costs $210 that I don't have) and the rest I'll have practice everyday
until 6 and games that could last until 10 o clock.
So here are some pros and cons...pros are for playing soccer and cons against.
Pros
- keeps me in shape
- gives me a rush I can't explain
- socialization with teammates on busrides/during practice, whatever
- my last year to play soccer EVER and I've been playing since 1st grade
- I'll miss it, and feel bad if I quit
- at the end of the season seniors get special awards and gifts to keep for memories, like our bags and at banquet and stuff
Cons
- My grades could and probably will drop
- Soccer everynight and working on the weekends gives me NO break to enjoy my senior year until the season ends.
- I won't make any money from work working two 6 hour shifts a week.
- I'll feel bad
- Am I going to college for soccer or to learn? Answer = to learn
- I'm nervous as always
- I don't have 210 dollars
- We're doing camp with Seymour. Ew?
- We're gonna suck majorly without last years seniors
- Less time with Aaron, my friends, and family
I dunno. One minute I've finalized my decision and said I'm not playing, the next I say "Well maybe I will." I dunno. Help me :[
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*sigh*
I'm okay people. Really. The fact that everyone kept
asking "what's wrong Kayla? omfg tell meeee!" made me cry. But that's
okay. No big deal. I just hate crying in front of people and everything.
Aaron
and I had a talk last night. He basically told me something I did not
want to hear, and some of them kind of hurt my feelings..and all I
could say in my head was "I told you so, why do you let yourself be put
in these kind of situations?" I fear the end it near unless something
changes.
He's under alot of stress though with soccer and college so I'm hoping it'll get back to normal afterwords. It has to. =[
I'm excited for prom. Aaron, his parents, me, and my parents are all going to the peddler before prom. =)
Lessie is doing my makeup too so I'm going to be hawt. <3
Hopefully it'll be good for Aaron too.
Anyway, I have to go to church now. Here's your update. ♥ | | |
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